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LuLu Biggs Ch.3 - "Pimp Juice"


7 months agoSteemit6 min read


Miami Florida

36 Hours after Friday Night Clash 12

Studio Lot 7

A digital camera recorder zoomed in and out trying to adjust as “REC” flashed in the top right corner of the screen in red. As the camera lens came into focus a strange dimly lit stage made to look like a ghetto alley with graffiti and burning dumpsters appeared. Suddenly some obscure old school early 90’s rap beat began to play as orange spot lights lit up and began to flash onto the stage floor. A series of curvy looking sexy female dancers entered both stage left and right and began to shake their asses in their tight leggings and denim shorts. Some male dancers then propelled down from the rafters of the stage and instantly began to dance with the females in a very sexual manner.

The presentation only got odder as a large circle in the stage opened up and a platform raised up from the basement floor with LuLu Biggs and Slick Mick on it. Both men were wearing bright colored flamboyant suits and both had microphones in their hands as they danced their way to the front of the stage while the camera zoomed in tight on them. Both men were covered in gold chains, rings, earrings and had fancy pimp hats on with feathers sticking out the side of them like you might find some gentlemen wearing in New Orleans down south.

LuLu Biggs: Yo! Yo! Yo! My gentlemen out there across this corrupt and great American nation! I, as you damn well know, am LuLu Biggs! The wrestler and entrepreneur who decimated and humiliated that punk bitch Trillionaire cyborg wrestler Jeremiah Vastrix. I’m here with my good friend Slick Mick to bring you my latest and hottest product. PIMP JUICE!!!

Slick Mick: Pimp Juice? LuLu what’s that?

LuLu Biggs: I’m glad you asked Slick! BAM!!!

Biggs reached back into his suits inner pocket and pulled out a silver and gold aluminum can with an O.G. style logo and “Pimp Juice” written in a refined cursive text on the label. The camera cut to a zoomed in shot of LuLu’s large chubby right hand holding the fancy looking metallic can outward for everyone watching to see.

Slick Mick: Oh shit! Pimp Juice! What’s it do LuLu?

LuLu Biggs: This here little elixir is an energy drink, boner pill, and herbal CBD infused concoction jam packed full of testosterone and guarana! This was the secret to my spectacular victory over the technologically enhanced robot wrestler! I guzzled a dozen of these before the match and it allowed me to outperform a man with a computer in his brain! This drink is guaranteed to enhance your performance whether you be out hustling in the streets or be hustling in-between the sheets!

Slick Mick: You mean this drink will make me super strong, smarter, more alert, and make my dick hard longer while improving my stamina in bed?

LuLu Biggs: I guarantee it baby! But don’t take my word for it! Just listen to some of these satisfied customers!

The prerecorded video then cut to a slightly balding man who looked to be in his mid-thirties holding a can of Pimp Juice in his right hand. To say this man looked like idiot would be a severe understatement. The goofy ass smile alone on his face told you everything needed to know about his S.A.T scores and education level.

Customer # 1: My life was in shambles. I could never satisfy a woman in bed. Last month my girlfriend left me for a man with a new Hammer industries cyberneticly enhanced penis. That was the last straw! That’s when I got Pimp Juice! I drink 3 cans a day and stay hard all night long, no matter how many ladies I have to please in the sack! Every part of my life is better because of this little can! Thanks LuLu!

The video transitioned back to Biggs and Slick getting down with some female dancers with extremely large butts while gleefully sipping on their Pimp Juice cans. At the bottom of the screen a warning appeared in fine print stressing that the claims being made about this product have not been approved by the F.D.A and that results may vary.

LuLu Biggs: Too good to be true? Still don’t believe me? Just listen to this!

The scene this time cuts to a bloated middle age man sitting in a convertible sports car who is clearly a rich fat cat baby boomer with a blond toupee and a crappy orange spray tan. He had one a polo shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned to show off his manly chest hair and gold chain.

Customer # 2: Mr. Biggs and his associates have made a terrific, fantastically good product here with Pimp Juice. As a Wall Street man I have to be at the top of my game at all times and this little drink helps me perform at the highest level day in and day out if you catch my drift…heh..haha…ha… oh I love that baby!

A young trashy looking woman raised her head up out from under the steering wheel inside his car before wiping her mouth on her sleeve and smiling. The clearly paid to be there porn star caressed the chest of older man and then gave a thumbs up while nodding her head in a satisfied manner. The video then cut back to Biggs and Slick still on stage having an absolute crazy ass time with Pimp Juice and Vodka mixed drinks in their hands.

LuLu Biggs: Hey I know what you’re saying! LuLu this looks like some sort of scam! It sounds like a miracle in a can! Well just listen to what this medical Doctor had to say about our incredible product!

The scene cut to what looked to be a faux Doctor’s office set used to film pornographic films for people with Doctor and patient fetishes. A weird looking fellow stood in front of the camera in a clearly fake white Doctor’s coat and cheaply made plastic stethoscope that had been purchased at a Halloween U.S.A.

Doctor: After hours of study, experimentations, test trials and months of research, I personally 100% approve of Pimp Juice as a healthy part of any male diet for men age 18 to 85 years of age! This is the miracle drug we’ve all been waiting for!

The faux Doctor picked up a can of Pimp Juice, cracked open the can, and began chugging the liquid down his gullet all the while flashing a thumbs up with his free hand. The video then cut back to a close up of LuLu on stage.

LuLu Biggs: Well you’ve heard what people have had to say. Now is your chance to order! Will sign you up for a 12 month supply and if you call now will give you the first 3 months free! That’s the fire three months free! What are you waiting for! Some Cyborg with an enhancements to steal your woman? ORDER NOW!!!

To be continued at Brawl at the Wall 2!


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