If Love Is The Answer, What Is The Question?
Love can be the answer for so many things. Nonetheless, we too often forget to put our focus on the other essential part of the equation. How do we love? And most importantly, how do we sustain it?
While the education system was solely designed to make obedient workers out of us, we ought to not let the system interfere with our real education, that is the one that we choose to teach to ourselves in order to become better human beings.
We all need a John Gottman in our lives, because this amazing man provides infinite wisdom and knowledge on the question. Reading almost all of his books have changed my life. He is the master at deconstructing all of our most ingrained beliefs on what we think make for a happy union. More than ever now do we need it, as the stakes are high: in fact, out of a 40-year period, 67% of married couples will head for divorce.
I also find it worth adding that this was Mr. Gottman findings almost 20 years ago now. So I can’t imagine what the odds look like today. What’s more, if you know John Gottman, you may know that he’s able to predict divorce out of a 91% accuracy while hearing partners talk with each other for no more than 5 minutes.
This is just another reason as to why the data he has accumulated over the years and on which he has used to construct his principles to making marriage work are nothing short of solid.
So if I could prescribe you anything, it would be to get your hands on his books, because it will be worth every minute of your time! Oh and while at it, a second thing I would generously prescribe to you would be to infuse each of your days with more love. A simple "thank you" can go a very long way. An act of tenderness, an "I love you". Gottman is big on that, as he states that it’s the little daily things that matter in the end, not to mention that they add up over time. Sure, a big romantic getaway can be beneficial for you and your lover, but it won’t make up for the way you guys are with each other on a day to day basis.
Don’t waste your time trying to live up to any kind of social ideals, because the truth is that when it comes to love, fewer and fewer great models are available for us to seek wisdom and inspiration out of them. Divorce has become commonplace, and when you become a child of divorce, it’s fair to acknowledge that your parents were not a healthy example of an emotionally intelligent couple.
However, most of us form our idea of what love should be like based on what we have been exposed to. This is another reason as to why I believe it’s crucial for children to learn in school early on how they can lay the foundation to build long and lasting love.
We are ill -equipped to face the many complexities and challenges that arise from this area of life.
While we can’t change society in a day, we can surely change the ways by which it influences us.