A True History of The Garden of Eden, Part 7
I am one of thousands of people affected by @quinneaker's visionary community the @gardenofeden. As we clean and organize in preparation for a big move towards Eden 2.0, it's time to let go of my own incredible history here:
Part 7 👇🏽
While I thought I was coming to the @gardenofeden sustainable community to learn about sustainability and experience an alternative lifestyle (which I did), I quickly realized that more importantly I was actually in a very unique vortex to address deep trauma that I unconsciously played out in all of my intimate relationships, to find freedom by addressing and healing old wounds, to stop sabotaging my own happiness and health.
And hopefully to inspire others with the triumph.
Love, peace, and possibility is natural for @qiqi-power. If the children can do it, why can't we?
Society is fucked. We are sicker than we've ever been, we are more depressed than we've ever been, we are more separate and conflicted than we've ever been. Seemingly everyone is wounded, and seemingly everyone is reacting from these wounds rather than responding from empowered consciousness.
"Composting is easy. Growing food is easy. Building houses is easy. Social dynamics are the hard part," @quinneaker says about running an ecovillage.
Interpersonal drama is a learned behavior passed down through generations, and I believe part of my purpose in life is to acknowledge it, heal it, and inspire others to overcome so we can live in a happier, healthier world together. What better goal is there than to be the best version of ourselves we can possibly be??
This is what I am learning in my apprenticeship at the GOE.
It had taken a literal punch to the face - my own rock bottom - for me to stop running away from inner turmoil.
I spent the better part of my first year here blaming my significant other for all of our problems, while both Quinn and @everlove gently reminded me that I was the only one responsible for my experience.
“You have to face that you’re a very angry person, Sara,” Quinn told me one day. It pissed me off to hear this, because fuck that - I did yoga and meditated and had tasted inner peace!
Be courageous in facing the shadows.
But Quinn was right. “You’re angry that something you love was taken away from you.”
He was referring to my sister's death and parents' divorce, and I couldn’t deny unprocessed emotions surrounding that experience. I had spent a decade masking and hiding from that pain. How could he see it so clearly??
Quinn is dedicated to evolution and enlightenment, and therefore has the best intuition of anyone I have ever met. He is a very unique being in that he not only sees people’s feelings quite clearly, he will call attention to them, speak to them directly, and offer solutions for ever increasing peace and happiness.
Most people are too busy ignoring each other and their own pain to offer support for their neighbors' growth and evolution.
It’s socially acceptable to ignore problems, to blame our mates/government/corporations for everything that's wrong with everything, even to drown ourselves with alcohol or drugs, sex, shopping, food - any distraction from facing our own darkness!! But are we serving each other to ignore our pain? Are we building the best world we possibly can?
Was I justified in blaming my ex? Yes. Was I justified in being angry? Yes.
But how did that help me become my highest self?
“You can do whatever you want,” Quinn often told me and everyone living at the @gardenofeden. “But you have to accept responsibility for the consequences.”
I raged, throwing energetic daggers at my ex any time he was near. He might have been the first to say a nasty word or physically transgress, but I had already crossed an energetic line.
I was vibing low, always on edge, anger boiling, already expecting a conflict. My ex didn’t stand a chance against that; no matter how he showed up, I saw the worst through my shit colored glasses.
Slowly slowly, the contrast between my relationship and those surrounding me in the GOE opened my eyes to a better way.
Love thy neighbor as thyself was a great idea - but in my practice if the neighbor was an asshole then fuck him he deserved my wrath.
And I was hurting myself with that approach.
Anger causes a literal biochemical reaction that ideally prepares us to respond to a fleeting moment of acute danger. However, most humans are living with chronic stress, anger, depression, sadness, doubt, guilt, shame, judgment, and fear that flood our organisms with chemicals that lower our immunity, cause inflammation, increase anxiety, damage the heart, raise blood pressure, and shunt oxygen from the brain.
We are literally making ourselves sick by holding onto negativity. Then physical discomfort leads to low thoughts and emotions, which leave the body in more pain, which leads to more negativity, and on and on in an endless cycle.
"If you truly loved yourself, you wouldn't treat your body that way," Quinn said. "You have to practice and train yourself to choose a different response to protect your own health."
It starts with a breath - a deep, conscious breath is a master reset that improves literally any situation.
So with a deep breath and renewed hope, I examined the ugly, dark, secret, hateful parts of myself, and forgave my ex for walking me through the fire.
And I found real gratitude and love deeper than anything we had experienced before.
Do you want to know why I live at the @gardenofeden?
Join me in the next post to celebrate real love and freedom.