A True History of The Garden of Eden, Part 5
I am one of thousands of people affected by @quinneaker's visionary community the @gardenofeden. As we clean and organize in preparation for a big move towards Eden 2.0, it's time to let go of my own incredible history here:
WTF led to the altercation with my ex that left me bleeding in the dirt, face smashed, unable to get to my feet?
The Fight wasn’t the only incident with my ex, and arguably wasn’t the worst. The time he took my vehicle and left me alone in the desert mountains was pretty bad, as was the rifle time(s), as was the time he abandoned the driver’s seat of a 26 foot RV at 50 mph (found out how loud I can scream that day). As was that “intimate” moment that was so unbelievable I can’t even...
It was a culmination of frustrations that night, as we had abused each other for almost a year.
But this time, there were witnesses. With my eye swollen to the size of a softball and Quinn explaining the details of The Fight in a community meeting the next day, I couldn’t deny or hide from what had happened here. It was humiliating, to say the least - but the accountability would be my saving grace.
It was hardly the first time we had disrupted the peace at the @gardenofeden, but it was the most violent. We drew out the worst in each other, and frequently expressed it loud and ugly, with total disregard for anyone or anything else.
“He doesn’t have this kind of relationship with anyone else here, Sara,” @everlove told me multiple times over the year.
As much as I blamed him for all the problems, I had to face that something about me invited it.
With more consideration and patience than I might have deserved, Quinn brought this shit to my awareness each time, holding me to the highest standard to be my best self:
The dance of abuse takes two.
While I firmly faulted the “abuser” for our misdeeds, unconsciously giving him full control over the situation, I engaged the dance as victim.
I was just as responsible for this shit as he was.
The sickest part to swallow was that this was my "normal" - this was my relationship model, which I had played out to some degree with every single romantic partner I’d ever had. No wonder I was never satisfied...
I compared this to the new relationships I observed and experienced at the GOE...and it was obvious my approach was worse.
Quinn and Shellie for example were not only peaceful, harmonious, and happy together, but they had so much love and appreciation to spare that they invested their time in sharing with others!
Only because I saw others living it did it it become clear to me that humans could relate to each other better than my way of conflict and strife.
My biggest supporters and greatest teachers
I obviously didn’t want abuse, so I didn’t understand why it kept showing up again and again and again. Could I unlearn everything I thought I knew and replace it with an upgrade?
“Anything is possible,” Quinn is fond of saying. “The revolution begins within.”
I didn’t WANT to act like a shitface, especially not in front of others. I didn’t WANT to disrupt the community. I certainly didn’t WANT to sabotage intimate relationships with dysfunction, hate, and abuse - I wanted radical, revolutionary, unconditional LOVE!
Painful though it was, I knew from the top to the bottom of my heart and soul that the universe had delivered me to the right place at the right time to deal with subconscious programs, rotten beliefs, and festering trauma.
So I got down to work.
Do you want to know why I live at the @gardenofeden?
Join me in the next post, for the continuation of this real love story.