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Trash The Dress - Comedy Open Mic Round 8


2 years agoSteemit5 min read

(Full disclosure - I posted this in October of 2012 on my blog Change The Topic. I thought I could revive it here for a week. Also, I nominate @erebus and @agrestic do get a funny story in here.))

I guess that now is a good time to tell you that I get a little bit pissed off when I see something being done by one gender or another, but not by both. This is a modern world, full of equality, but there are still certain activities that women seem to be doing exclusively, and I finally got sick of it.

I'm talking about "Trash The Dress". For those of you who are unaware, I will let Wikipedia enlighten you:

"Trash the dress, also known as fearless bridal or rock the frock, is a style of wedding photography that contrasts elegant clothing with an environment in which it is out of place. It is generally shot in the style of fashion and glamour photography. "Trash the dress" is the art of destruction or deconstruction of a bride's wedding dress to create a new "artwork" that the bride would be proud to display on their wall. This new "masterpiece" is formed in the creative destruction of the dress. This will normally be portrayed in a sequence of images or simply a single image."


Well, ladies.

What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. I happened to jump into a shoot with a bunch of models, and they were quite welcoming. Feast your eyes on this.

(Only one of my co-models would agree to be on the blog, so here we are.)

(It's too bad, because they were all beautiful women, and it's sad that you can't gaze upon them. Ah well, such is life.)

I want to introduce you to Breasts McGee, the greatest of the models appearing in this shoot. Do you know why? Because she is fucking fierce and fabulous, and her dress isn't duct taped onto her. She actually fits into things.

(The most beautiful and happy bride in the world.)

This girl is going to be a star, and it won't take her long to get there. Just look at these two shots.

(Here she is showing off her timeless beauty by voguing, or maybe it's something out of The Notebook)

(Her range is extraordinary. You would almost think that somebody just told her that her sister had died. We actually did do that. We had to get the emotion we needed for the shot.)

Seeing as it was my first trash the dress, I wasn't quite aware how to act. That was where Breasts was a big help. She makes me feel at home, and brought out my inner model.

(Look at me go. Breaking down the gender barrier since Christ was a cowboy.)

(Apparently Tyra says that this is a good thing to do when you're modelling.)

(See, all the good models do it.)

Now that I have my facial muscles loosened up, it's time to start heading for the water. I don't know about where you live, but in most of Canada, the streams are fairly brisk in October.

(Can you feel that? That's the heat created when you undress me with your eyes, you saucy thing.)

(I'm what you'd call "full-figured". Where's Dove with my money?)

(Trying to get everything perfect, just the way the photographer asked me to. That's key to getting more work. Be easy to work with.)

(My serious side.)

(All my crinolines were billowing)

(I'm showing the photographer some love. They are people too, with feelings and everything.)

(I'm trying to keep my body temperature up using my mind.)

("Hey! Your nipples are showing.")

("Oooops, sorry. I can't feel anything")

(This is the happiest day of my life.)

(This is what separates the pros from the wannabes. The ability to look graceful in extreme discomfort.)

(Who's the pretty boy?)

(Sometimes I do a cheeky pose. I think it's the photographer that brings it out of me 😉)

(Yayyyy, I'm allowed out.)

Well, there you have it. My very first Dress Trash, but hopefully not my last. Do you have a dress that you'd like to see trashed? Contact us, and we can let you know where to send it. You might see it on here one day, getting the shit beaten out of it.

(Thanks for getting this far and don't be afraid to follow me. I can't guarantee this level of bravery all the time, but we can't all be brave all the time.)


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