"I am torn between two life-styles. What shall I do?"
I always say life is beautiful.
I have been going out with my girlfriend for more than 3 years now. Six months ago, in the midst of our relationship I moved abroad, and although I still think of her I think that I would like to move ahead in life without her. I had a couple of one night stands with blonds that I came across in a bar. I feel bad as I was not sincere in the relationship. I won't be returning home to see her for another couple of years. When I think of her, I feel pity. I am caught between two stools.
Now life is not as beautiful as I thought.
Tell me am I in trouble? Tell me what to do?
Your question is asked on behalf of many others nowadays who find themselves in similar situations, no longer satisfied with their old ways of life and looking for something better.
It should be noted first and foremost that I cannot and will not tell people what to do. You have your own responsibility for your life and I have no doubt that you have the power to reach decisions and to act on them. I merely provide you with additional information and other perspectives that you might not have been aware of. In a way, I am looking at the field of your potentials and bring you the knowledge that, for the time being, you choose not to see.
Life is only about the present. Here, in this now moment, you hold the power to change the future, and the past! I will not get into the details of how the past is changed from the present but the fact is that you combine within the self that you recognize multitudinous "You's". It's pointless to ponder about your apparent errors in the past. Such an attitude toward life will only dredge up pity and sorrow from the past and throw it into the future. Then, of course, you will feel that life is not at all beautiful.
Watch yourself! You stand in this now moment, observing your past, looking at what you have done. Obviously, you do not want the same kind of life anymore. You want a relationship in which you will express and receive respect and honesty. The first step is to believe that you deserve it despite what you did in the past! Let the past go. Don't think about it. Do not judge yourself and avoid the guilt and shame (they served you well to make a decision about the lifestyle you want, but now they no longer help).
Your basic attitude - "life is beautiful" - is a great perspective on life! Embrace it. Do not succumb to temporary changes in the illusory world, because you are creating your life and your beliefs about life will be reflected outside.
Now, regarding your girlfriend - see her as a symbol for one aspect of you, just as the "blondes" were a symbol of another "you". It is now for you to choose which aspect you want to embrace in your reality; which life do you want for yourself?! Once you make that choice the proper circumstances will come to you. These may take the shape of your old girlfriend or another partner who will come to love and be loved.
Being monogamous, in a committed relationship is one style of life which has its purposes. But it's not the ultimate way. Many people in our era need to explore themselves with other people, for their own sake of growth. For those people, being in a relationship with one person is a prison. You may feel like that, but It's a temporary situation because there will come a time in your life (this or another) when you are so full of yourself that you no longer need other people to be your mirrors. Then, you will find exuberance and joy in the experience of being and sharing with another single soul-being.
Life, my friend, IS beautiful, no matter what you see. The problem happens when people cover themselves with thick black blankets and so the only thing they see is a dark sky.
Good luck and thank you again for your question.