New to Busy?

Pair With Me


8 days agoBusy3 min read


BoomDawg, can you pair with Half-Boob for this one?

El-Jefe commanded as if he was asking.

I looked distastefully over at Half-Boob who was lurking furtively nearby.

Pair? Like, to write a document? Seriously?

My voice couldn't help but rise up at the end of every sentence like a Californian hemp grower.

El-Jefe scowled at me as if I were a fibrous poo blocking his bomb doors.

Yes. Pair. You know, like when you...

He started to patronise me but I cut him off with an imperious flick of my shiny silver pen of many nibs.

I know what pairing is. I just don't see why I have to pair with old ChuckleTits there to knock up a few PowerPoint slides?

I made a sorry mate face at Half-Boob as if I was actually sorry as I spoke.

This is for the Board, get it? I want it bullet proof. So, pair with him.

El-Jefe growled low in his chest as if he were attempting to seduce an angry dog before stomping off.

Half-Boob sidled over and pulled up a chair whilst smiling at me with too many teeth.

Um, alright then. How shall we do this? Shall I ride shotgun?

He fanned his fingers about in front of him as if tickling a fish called Celine.

Nobody is riding anything.

I said, giving him a glare that could wilt even the firmest of penises.

Ha, yes. But really. Um, how shall we, um, you know? Should we... Well, let's take a step back, hmm?

Half-Boob edged his chair in closer to mine until our knees touched. My nostrils flared mightily and I harrumphed at him for violating the First Law of Man.

He pulled back a little and grinned nervously.

Let's approach this holistically. I mean, you know. If we knock heads we can maybe synergise..?

He tilted his head as if he were a spaniel hearing ghosts.

I beg your pardon?

I frowned.

Half-Boob snapped out of what has looked to be a momentary trance and nodded.

Yes, so... How can we leverage what we don't know into the as is?

He asked earnestly.

What did you just say?

I asked incredulously.

Half-Boob opened his mouth as if to utter more nonsensical sentences. I cut him off.

You shoosh. I write. Cool?

I put my headphones on and started to tap away at my keyboard.

Some time later I looked up and Half-Boob was gone.

This pairing lark wasn't so bad after all.


Sort byBest