Pair With Me
BoomDawg, can you pair with Half-Boob for this one?
El-Jefe commanded as if he was asking.
I looked distastefully over at Half-Boob who was lurking furtively nearby.
Pair? Like, to write a document? Seriously?
My voice couldn't help but rise up at the end of every sentence like a Californian hemp grower.
El-Jefe scowled at me as if I were a fibrous poo blocking his bomb doors.
Yes. Pair. You know, like when you...
He started to patronise me but I cut him off with an imperious flick of my shiny silver pen of many nibs.
I know what pairing is. I just don't see why I have to pair with old ChuckleTits there to knock up a few PowerPoint slides?
I made a sorry mate face at Half-Boob as if I was actually sorry as I spoke.
This is for the Board, get it? I want it bullet proof. So, pair with him.
El-Jefe growled low in his chest as if he were attempting to seduce an angry dog before stomping off.
Half-Boob sidled over and pulled up a chair whilst smiling at me with too many teeth.
Um, alright then. How shall we do this? Shall I ride shotgun?
He fanned his fingers about in front of him as if tickling a fish called Celine.
Nobody is riding anything.
I said, giving him a glare that could wilt even the firmest of penises.
Ha, yes. But really. Um, how shall we, um, you know? Should we... Well, let's take a step back, hmm?
Half-Boob edged his chair in closer to mine until our knees touched. My nostrils flared mightily and I harrumphed at him for violating the First Law of Man.
He pulled back a little and grinned nervously.
Let's approach this holistically. I mean, you know. If we knock heads we can maybe synergise..?
He tilted his head as if he were a spaniel hearing ghosts.
I beg your pardon?
Half-Boob snapped out of what has looked to be a momentary trance and nodded.
Yes, so... How can we leverage what we don't know into the as is?
He asked earnestly.
What did you just say?
I asked incredulously.
Half-Boob opened his mouth as if to utter more nonsensical sentences. I cut him off.
You shoosh. I write. Cool?
I put my headphones on and started to tap away at my keyboard.
Some time later I looked up and Half-Boob was gone.
This pairing lark wasn't so bad after all.