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A Steemian Boss special to commemorate the wedding of Marissa & Diego

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dhimmel
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last yearBusy5 min read

Public Announcement

Alerting all Steemians regarding a special entry into the Steemian Boss Series. Here we shall commemorate the marriage of Marissa Grove and Diego Legrand, which occurred on August 25, 2018. @trang and I do hereby swear that we observed this marriage in the state of California and attest that the wedding had executed by 7:33 PM Pacific Standard Time.

In addition, there were many other witnesses, as pictured following the ceremony:

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P.S. I'll 100% upvote the first comment that spots the location of @trang and I in the crowd.

Pessimist's Diary

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Superior Design

Luckily, Marissa & Diego avoided the disaster of an ordinary wedding. Instead, they reinvented the wedding to create a joyous and invigorating experience. In fact, I expect most attendees with marriage in their future will be tempted to recreate this event verbatim. However, it cannot be copied as it was a personalized mixture that could only spawn from the union of Marissa & Diego's intelligent design.

Venue & Activities

The wedding was at a campground resort. There was no arranged seating / camping, but plots of land had been assigned to each group. @trang and I were pleased to be assigned plot 14 next to the good friends in plots 11 and 12. Note that plot 13 is missing… spooky!

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We arrived on Friday night and left Sunday. Since @trang and I were continuing on to hike the John Muir Trail, we were well prepared to make the campground home.

The resort gave rise to many activities. For example, Saturday morning awoke with a group yoga session. Urdhva Hastasana!

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The yoga teacher got a flat tire from a rock puncture, and tragically NOT A SINGLE attendee had a tire plug kit. I beg you: keep a plug kit in your car (e.g. Slime Reamer). It's under $10 and will permanently fix most puncture flats. I learned this the medium-hard way while driving back from Long Island to Philly in the middle of the night.

Antoine, @trang, and I kicked around a soccer ball before tossing a giant foam airplane:

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Meanwhile, others tossed timber:

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This was all warm-up for the gigantic volleyball game. My team took the early lead, despite my poor serves. However, Diego and @trang's team mounted an incredible come-from-behind victory. See @trang pop it to an intermediary before Diego delivers one of his signature deathblows.

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To cool down, we floatswam in the bordering Russian River. A troop of children declared war on us with their squirt guns, but got scared off when I went into monster mode and breached their barrage of blaster cannons to deliver short-range high-capacity splashwaves. The bride and groom had a special floating fortress for the occasion:

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The Ceremony

@trang was not sure if our hiking clothes would be of sufficient formality for the ceremony, but I reassured her that our Enlightened Equipment wind pants and Dirty Girl Gaiters would be a powerful fashion statement! I mean at a price of $80 per pair, the wind pants may have been some of the most exquisite bottoms there!

The marriage was officiated by Jordan, a roommate of Marissa & Diego. Since this was the first (and probably last) time he would ever get to perform a wedding, he took the opportunity to snap a selfie:

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The move was genius. His words were 100% original as were the bride's and groom's. In fact, the vows were highly customized and personal, such as Marissa vowing not to put Diego's private cryptocurrency keys on Dropbox. The trees here had seen many weddings over the centuries, but never had they witnessed a ceremony so authentic. Amazing things are possible when humans eschew the bullshit of convention!

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One very touching moment came at the end of the ceremony, when Marissa told Diego, "our love is amazing, but nothing special". There were even aspects of the ceremony that were too profound for me to comprehend:

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1 + 1 = 3?

Food & Beverage

My favorite aspect of the wedding was that there was no paid contractors, i.e. NO SERVANTS. This was refreshing, everyone was just a guest, there to celebrate. Thanks to everyone who volunteered to provide services. Someone brought a lot of pain:

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The wedding had significant French undertones from the Groom's side, including forbidden cheeses. There were also American undertones, such as grilled breasts, which appeared at a certain point:

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Beverages were plentiful. There was a fantastic selection of canned beers, including several light options for casual drinkers such as myself.

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But nothing could compare to Alvaro's brews specially concocted to commemorate this weeding. In fact, Diego & Marissa ventured south in June to work with Alvaro to craft several homebrews. They bottled one of the thickest beers, called Catalyst, and served it at the post-ceremony feast. Below, Toto models the Catalyst in a trick panorama:

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Special Entry

As part of our offering, we declared our intention to create a special entry into the popular Steemian Boss Series. This post is the special entry and satisfies our commitment. Our full card is pictured below:

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The panel relevant to the special entry has been transcribed below:

Dear @______ and @______, Please let us fill in your usernames on the blockchain — i.e. this is an offer for us to make you Steem accounts. We will even start you out with some Power so your voices will make a bigger impact on the platform.

This is special offline entry into the Steemian Boss Series. By the power bested in us by the blockchain, we hereby declare this to be the twenty-third post in the popular Steemian Boss Series. May your wedding go down in the immutable history of mankind.

Cryptographically Signed by @dhimmel + @trang.

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