Michael Jackson’s Wind Golf - Comedy Open Mic Round # 25

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blewitt
61
3 months agoBusy3 min read

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“Go on a cruise in November” they said. “It’ll be fun” they said. Well folks...“THEY”, can lick my balls. In fairness, I had a phenomenal time. Lots of great stories spurned from this trip. Several which are prime for @comedyopenmic but one at a time. This is a short one about mini golf.

A bit of backstory...

A bunch of us got together to cruise on the Carnival Splendor last November. The main group had about 25 of us in total. My cousins Mark & Richard went with their families. Mark’s brother in law James and his family, their friends, and myself, the wife & kids hopped aboard this floating Petri Dish in search for an exciting week.

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The wives looked like a million bucks and the dudes looked like a pack of slobs most days. That might have something to do with us drinking booze from shampoo and sun tan lotion bottles. Mark, Richard, James, & Myself must have looked as though we were very concerned with our hair and skin everywhere we went.

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We all play disc golf together whenever we get the opportunity so we obviously settled for some mini golf one night on the ship....While drunk on shampoo bottle vodka. Each of our fridges looked similar to this...

We also happened to pick the absolute rockiest and windiest fucking night of the cruise, to play a game with a tiny ball that involves precision and concentration. We basically played in this.

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It was absolutely ridiculous and we still decided to play for $5 a game as we are all hammered competitive scumbags. We played in 2 teams of 2 because all the women were disgusted with our behavior earlier and wanted nothing to do with us by that point. We played 3 games and my team won all of the games. I still think the other pieces of shit owe us now that I think about it. Great...

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On our last round, it got to the point where the ball was flying all over. People’s hats were flying off. All the commoners who were drinking out of “normal” glasses kept having stupid $12 dollar cocktails splashing on their dumb faces with each attempted sip from their shitty windburnt lips. All the champions had caps to their bottles of Bacardi body lotion.

It was here on the last round of insanity where I summoned a hidden power deep inside to win the last hole.

#champion

I nominate @saywha & @modernzorker for this weeks challenge. I accepted the challenge from @sanmi!!!

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