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Self Forgiveness Blog 1: Hero and Martyr fantasies, self trust and self confidence

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adrianblackburn
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last monthSteemit6 min read

I'm starting a new series here on Steemit where I will be sharing my process of writing self forgiveness statements and self corrective application statements. The focus of this blog is to be vulnerable with myself and share what I am experiencing and working through in the moment that I am writing it. The point of this is to be self honest and work with whatever is here inside me - unconditionally and without fear - rather than to control or censor my writings in any way. I have been writing self forgiveness since 2007 and throughout all the ups and downs over the years, self forgiveness has been the most effective tool for self change and self realization than self forgiveness, when it is done in self honesty.

Today I am looking at the point within me of being a hero/martyr and how this relates to inner self trust and self confidence.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live the point of the 'martyr'

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the world needs martyrs and hero's.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be ready to die for a cause, but not to live for a cause.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way I can champion a cause is by sacrificing myself in some way, rather than to live the best version of myself

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to live the martyr/hero point as a way of deceiving myself into not stopping my patterns of self deception and self abuse

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live and project the martyr/hero point as a way of not getting in touch with my inner experiences of thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to not be in touch my thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress and overlook my thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to devalue my thoughts, feelings and emotions because I feel 'hurt' that I exists in world where it feels no one gives a shit about thoughts, feelings and emotions and where it seems like those who suppress them most excel the most in the world system of competition and survival

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse self trust and self confidence by not prioritizing my relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the temptation and the seduction of the mind is too overwhelming, when it is a simple trick of the mind that simple has momentum and I am experienced with

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and live the point of how I must create new experiences and new memories in which I work on and build the point of self trust through establishing self communication and self intimacy with myself, as new memories must accumulate in order for me to actually see and live the proof that I AM POSSIBLE = that which I believe to be impossible as self change is in fact possible

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand how self change, self direction and self creation is actually much more natural and 'easy' than I expect when I allowed myself to fully live it and close all back doors, end all escape routes and have 'no better place to be' than here in reality as me, facing myself

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see how the only thing stopping me from consistent and effective living application is the belief that there is something better out there, some kind of better experience that I can have other than living for real, as such experiences are always fantasy based and thus are not real and do not last and produce a undesired result and regrettable experience of myself

I commit myself to prove to myself in living actions that the world does not need martyrs and that this point is a deception and that the best way for all is for each one to live their individual best self

I commit myself to take the daily and momentary actions to get in touch with myself, experience myself, feel myself, get to know the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I am experiencing, sufficiently that I may understand with myself and work with myself in such a way that I can direct myself self honestly and move forward rather than to keep repeating past patterns of learned self control and self suppression

I commit myself to close all back doors of temptation and seduction of the mind so that there is no 'better place to be' than here so that I may enjoy the intrinsic specialness that it is to be alive here on planet earth

I commit myself to let go of all temptation of the mind so that I may honor myself and my inner experience and serve myself in a way that is best which will leave me satisfied which I can then express in my reality, rather than to live ungratefulness for what I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook within/as myself

I commit myself to prove to myself that change is perfectly possible and potentially even fun and easier than I may expect, by living that change and within that I make a commitment to myself to build trust and confidence in myself

I commit myself to use simplicity as self honesty to make the necessary changes that will best enable me to be able to get in touch with myself, face myself, and direct and create myself and within this prove to myself that not only is change possible, it is my destiny!

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